Tuesday, September 22, 2009

True Life Stories

Here is the actual record of the conversation as best I can remember it. I was on a flight 2 weeks ago from Jaipur to Delhi (India), and sitting next to two Indian men in their early thirties. I had just been served lunch, and did not eat my dessert (condensed milk candy).

GUY #1: You no like dessert?
PHIL: I like it, I just wasn't that hungry.
GUY #1: You have tried? Very good dessert.
PHIL: Yeah, I've tried it before, I like it.
GUY #1: Which country, England?
PHIL: No, America.
GUY #1: Ah, very good country.
GUY #1: How many girlfriend?
PHIL: What?
GUY #1: How many girlfriend you have?
PHIL: Well, just one, I guess. [AWKWARD LAUGH]
GUY #1: One? Just one?
PHIL: Well, right now, yes.
GUY #1: No, how many women?
PHIL: You mean total?
GUY #1: Yes.
PHIL: You mean, like, how many women have I slept with?
GUY #1: Yes.
GUY #1: Ah. [NODS]
GUY #1: [LEANING OVER AND POINTING AT GUY #2 IN AISLE SEAT] My friend, he once fuck 17 women.
GUY #2: 17 women, yes.
PHIL: [AWKWARD LAUGH] You mean, like, at the same time?
GUY #2: Yes.
PHIL: I don't understand how that's possible. 17 women all in the same room.
GUY #2: Ah no, not same time. I fuck one, go to other house [GESTURES WITH HAND], here, here, here. 3 in one day. 17 women.
PHIL: That must have been difficult to keep track of.
PHIL resumes reading his book.
GUY #1: Why you read?
PHIL: My book?
GUY #1: Yes, you read too much. Why you read?
PHIL: I like books I guess.
GUY #2 [TO GUY #1]: No, in west is very normal. What he does is very normal.
GUY #1: In India, we do not like books.
PHIL: You don't read books at all?
GUY #2: No, we too busy.
GUY #1: We fuck the girls.
PHIL: Where are you guys from?
GUY #1: Jodhpur.
PHIL: What brings you to Delhi?
GUY #1: Business.
GUY #2: We fly to Germany for business.
PHIL: What kind of business?
GUY #1: Furniture.
PHIL: Are you going straight to Germany from here?
GUY #1: No, we go to fuck the girl!
PHIL: Your girlfriends are in Delhi?
GUY #2: Girlfriends no. The call girl.
GUY #1: We go to fuck the call girl.
GUY #2: We are just kidding. We have business meeting.


GUY #1: Thank you for listening to us.
GUY #2: Yes, thank you.
PHIL: Enjoy your trip!